Beyond Spooky Church: Part 2

This “Spooky Church” reflection was submitted to an online magazine for publication. A deacon of the Holy Orthodox Church from Buffalo, New York, whom I had “met” on an online web forum sent me an email asking if he could reprint the article for a discussion group he had started. Little did I know what role this man would soon play in steering my life in a direction I’d never considered. I enthusiastically said, “yes.” I visited the forum myself, but found I didn’t understand much of what was discussed. Some of the topics discussed were non-church related and dealt with the politics of the day, and with those I could interact. However, the topics dealing with church, I just couldn’t understand. I had grown up in the United Methodist Church, abandoned it for the Post-Modern movement and was standing on the cusp of giving up on church altogether. Holy Orthodoxy seemed another world to me and one where I didn’t belong.

The truth is that I had grown to hate church as it looked like a masquerade ball to me, almost scripted. Paradoxically, one of the benchmarks of the Post-Modern Church Movement seems to be it’s strive towards authenticity, yet, none of the church experiences I was having felt so. In my eyes, were one truly “authentic” one would not have to read a book to find out what it means to be “real.” I had participated in a Bible study with some of the ladies in the church and felt somewhat better in getting to know them. However, I felt I dared not speak my feelings of discontent aloud to any of them as I was afraid of the typical answers of, “you’re just experiencing a dry spell,” or, “you need to become more involved.” The very thought of hearing those words sent my stomach to roiling.

My husband, Jim, shared my sentiments about our church. He had been dissatisfied for a long period of time and had simply been attending church for me and the “break” it offered during the week of caring for our children. Interestingly enough, an amazing turn around occurred within our marriage during this same period. Summing up, we went from strangers passing in the night, to two people who were fighting for their marriage. The dam burst, the communication lines were open, and our true feelings about church, each other and God began to gush forth. We began praying together for change and direction of our spiritual lives. Prayer is such a dangerous thing when performed fervently because it effects change. Little did we know what a transformation God was about to bring in our lives.

Our prayers contained the need for a church within our community as we wanted to be more than spectators and desired that our daily life and our faith be intertwined. During this time I had by chance, met a woman in our neighborhood who was also a Christian and I felt at ease to share my discontent with her. She invited me to attend her church, which she said was charismatic, and also suggested several other area churches. Her church was a 45 minute drive from our home which didn’t seem to meet our requirement of a community church; and the idea of a charismatic type of church was a bit of a turn off for me. I wasn’t seeking more rock and roll and what I believed to be contrived emotion. I wanted the church as Christ meant it to be.