Beyond spooky church: Part 3

Jim and I continued attending church through the summer with the understanding that change had to happen. We discussed quitting church altogether for a while so as to be undistracted in our search. I wanted to give up on formal church and start a home Bible study. At that time, I felt this was the authentic church model; a personal faith easily shared with the community; ministering to our invited neighbors, our children actively participating in the faith and not sequestered in a room with other children playing while their parents worshipped, a true family affair.

The “home church” idea was exciting to me. Jim, however, had fond memories of growing up within the church and wanted the same experience for our children. Home Bible study might do for a time for him, but Jim wanted to be under a church structure. Further, he felt that walking away from some sort of authority would be spiritually dangerous and that we could end up believing our own truths about God and Christ instead of the ones set forth by Christ Himself thereby putting our very salvation in jeopardy. Undaunted, I had read that home church associations existed with ministers at the helm guarding against such things. I turned to the internet to research them, found none within our area and secretly despaired.

I continued my participation on the internet forum where the original “Spooky Church” reflection had been posted. There were several members of the Holy Orthodox Church who participated on the message board, all being wonderful, generous people whom I felt myself drawn to, although I didn’t understand their faith as all I knew of Orthodoxy was “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” However, so much of what their worship appeared to be from the words I read on the internet forum seemed to be what I was looking for when I wrote “Spooky Church.” God, for these people, was not your blue jeaned former hippie uncle handing out candy and patronizing advice. He was the very center of their being and they longed to know more about Him; indeed, Christ was their life.

I mentioned my feelings to Jim one evening during our now “daily de-briefing” time. I remember him looking at me as if I had two heads. Orthodoxy to him had something to do with Catholocism. Being raised a Baptist, Catholocism was the devil’s church! I didn’t feel so and continued listening to these Orthodox friends. I gently mentioned the idea of exploring Orthodoxy a few more times to Jim and he also began to pay more attention to the Orthodox on the web forum.

I was attracted not only to the supreme place God seemed to hold in the lives of the Orthodox, but also to the mysticism the religion still contained after so many centuries. God was as much a mystery to them as he was real, which seems antithetical, but, I loved this idea. Somehow, the need of the Christian West to have all the answers relegated God to a science project in my eyes. For me, God was becoming more than just a project. I wanted him to permeate my being and my life. Holy Orthodoxy seemed to validate this view.