Cold Water...

January 20, 2009

8:32AM

Laura | Comments Off |

This morning, I forgot to let the water heat up in the sink before washing my face. The temperature outside was a balmy 17 degrees, so you can imagine the shock of that cold water. Ouch! I find myself doing such dumb things quite a lot lately.

Eight years ago (8 years!) when I was pregant with my daughter Ana, one of the psychiatrists and my co-worker at the Forbush School said to me, “you are now entering one of the busiest times of your life.” I remember thinking, “busy, how could this be busy? I’m going to stay home with my baby.” There is an expression out there about eating words. I wonder if it applies to thoughts as well.

The first 6 months of Ana’s life weren’t the busiest in terms of physicality, but they certainly were life changing. Once David came a long, 15 months after David, I definitely found myself in a busy cycle. I can remember getting them both in bed at night and longing for a sensory deprevation chamber. If I had had a way to be totally deprived of sound, smell, taste, touch and sight, I would have jumped at it…even if it was only for 30 minutes.

And now, I would definitely say that I am at the busiest time in my life. I never would have thought I’d go a month without updating this thing. Alas, working 30 hours a week outside of the home, homework (never ends) and taking care of a family equals a busy woman. I have had a hard time dealing with the adjustment. At some point, you just have to realize that you’re not ever going to be the perfect wife, mother and employee. I’m not a perfectionist, by any stretch, but I do like to feel as though I’m doing my best, and that just can’t happen when time, talent and energy are spread across many playing fields.

I can’t complain for I am lucky to have a job and one that can go a long way to supporting the family. I know many people in the world today find themselves in tenuous positions. Slowly, as a family, we are adjusting. We all pitch in to clean the house on Saturdays and take turns washing the dishes. This is good for the kids, I think, to be contributors to the running of the household. When they are a little older, I may hand over some of the cooking jobs to them.

Still, it’s funny. When I was in my 20’s and trying to picture what my life might be like in my 30’s, this isn’t necessarily the picture I came up with. At the same time, it’s not not what I thought it would be either. I think the basic idea was there. I always pictured a family. But, there are different gradations in the colors…a little lighter here, a little darker there. Thinking about the differences in what I expected and reality to leads to a feeling something like an unexpected splash of cold water first thing in the morning. Here I am…wake up to what’s around you…be thankful, move, breathe, pray, love, live…