I often hear folk speak about the “best thing I learned in High School.”  It’s usually not information which came from one of the sweat producing classes such as Algebra/Trig or Chemistry.  For me, it was typing.  I use those skills every single day (and I actually learned on typewriter.  I think it’s now called, “keyboarding.”)

I haven’t heard many talk about what they learned in Lamaze class that has been useful…at least once out of the delivery room.  There is one skill taught in Lamaze which I still use every day…. the deep cleansing breath.   I cleansed quite a bit today as I waited in the express line at the Giant for 20 minutes to buy parmesan cheese.

My children left no trick un-performed for those lucky enough to witness the show.  Hair was pulled and screaming and whining ensued. I was kicked several time.  I tried not to resort to physical punishment because I just don’t think it’s a good idea to do so in public in this day and age, but I did end up having to smack David’s hand.  He’s two years old and attempting to reason with him only goes so far.  Well to be honest it goes absolutely nowhere!

We survived that experience but I still had one more errand to run, during which Ana managed to turn the shopping cart  into several patrons.  When I finally had the last of the bags from the last stop into the car, David moaned, “I want my helicopter.”  I knew he had likely left in the shopping cart.  I grabbed the kids and we walked back to the cart we had just surrendered.  David was carrying a huge package of grapes which he continually dropped and wailed, “I want to hold the grapes.”

We did retrieve the helicopter.  We made it home.  There was more whining, screaming and just general fussiness from the kids.  I don’t know if there’s a full moon or not, but I most definitely utilized quite a few deep cleansing breaths while counting to ten in my head to prevent myself from completely blowing up.  As it is I did yell, quite loudly at one point just before lunch was served and the children where requesting juice for the 9,344th time.

It would’ve been much worse were it not for the deep cleansing breath.  Pay attention, Moms and Dads to be, when this technique is taught.  It ain’t just for labor!

Update on Aug 30, 2004 by Laura N.

After David’s nap, the children devised a little game.  They pretended The Hulk was right outside.  They were hiding on the couch and being as quiet as possible in order to avoid detection by the big green man.  Do you I think I discouraged their imaginations after a morning of screeching and whining?

No siree bob.  When Ana tried to tell me The Hulk was gone, I said, “I think I hear him under the window.”

Of course…dinner is coming.  And I’m sure there will be a moment or twelve in whence the cleansing breath will be untilized!